Do I have time to sit and observe myself? What difference will it make even if I DO indeed observe myself? Will it make me happy after looking at myself? What if it only adds to my distress?
I am amazed at these questions! How my mind has become an expert in finding excuses before doing anything meaningful towards self. How easy it has come down to giving myself a feeling of accomplisment! No, really…. just a thought of introspection makes me feel so full of pride and then it just stops there. Just a thought of 1hour exercise daily pampers my ego saying ‘at least I am willing’
Then I decided, first things first. I must answer all the dumb questions to myself. You see, I am a teacher and I believe that no question is a silly question. So answers….
Ofcourse, I do have enough time to sit and observe myself. I do get enough ‘me’ time while I sip my lemongrass tea or when I am on my walks and many more occassions. Observing myself is not dreaming where I will be exported to another world. It simply needs being aware of my actions, my tempraments and noting analysis. It rather is a very concious activity.
And it will make a load of a difference. I may change where I must or I may get calmer inside myself. I may acquire better control on my actions and thoughts and ultimately on my moods and reactions.
Well, only when I start will know if it makes me happy or not about myself. But then I must always carry a nice stiff roll of a newspaper and hit one on my head whenever I find myself at fault. (Referring to the HT campaign a few years ago).
Most importantly I must stop treating myself easy. I must realise and work on my own excuses. I must realise the difference between a reason and an excuse. Oh and I must realise that there is NO reason for doing or not doing some things in life. I must just do them. Do not think, do not contemplate too long but just get up go there when it comes nurturing body and soul.